Imagine a toddler playing on a floor surrounded by toys. You tell that toddler he can play with any toy he wants, but don’t touch your cell phone. What will that toddler immediately start crying for? You got it: your cell phone. When you limit or restrict anything in life, it sets it up to be extra special.
Now, adults may have much more wisdom than a two-year-old
does, but the concept of deprivation still holds true.
When it comes to food, psychological deprivation placed on yourself for whatever reason sets you up for craving that food. When you label a food as “bad”, “forbidden” or requiring a penance for eating it (exercise, earning it, compensating by restricting food intake before or after) you are creating psychological deprivation in regards to that food. When you embark on a diet or meal plan that restricts certain foods or entire food groups, you immediately create a sense of deprivation. Simply implying that you are lesser of a person or “bad” by eating a specific food is setting up that feeling of deprivation.
Now, there is always a backlash for depriving yourself, and in this case the effect is rebound eating.
Let me paint a scenario for you:
Bob was a self-described chocoholic. He complained that as soon as he started eating chocolate he couldn’t stop eating it. His way of managing this was to simply not allow himself to eat it. But Bob was caught in a vicious cycle. You see, Bob’s chocolate binges were triggered by a rule he had created for himself – “I cannot eat chocolate”. Every time Bob gave in and ate chocolate he vowed it would be the last time, and since he vowed never to eat it again (though he knew he likely would) he would eat all the chocolate so that it would not be there to tempt him. Bob would feel guilty after eating a large quantity of chocolate so he would compensate by eating less at meals the next day, which would set him up for being too hungry, craving chocolate, and the process would start all over again.
Today Bob can eat a piece or two of chocolate when he wants it, or can pass it up when he doesn’t want it. How did he miraculously overcome his self-described “addiction” to chocolate? He made peace with it.
Making peace with food means allowing all foods in, and making chocolate (or whatever food you’ve deemed forbidden) emotionally equivalent to carrots. Your food choices do not reflect your character or morality. Putting trust in this process is difficult and even scary, but ironically, once you know you can eat whatever will actually satisfy you, the intensity to eat greatly diminishes.
Legalizing food is a critical step in changing your relationship with food. It frees you to respond to your body’s signals. If you don’t truly believe you can eat whatever food you like, you will continue to feel deprived and ultimately overeat. When you know the food will be there and allowed, day after day, it doesn’t become so alluring and powerful.
There are five steps to making peace with food.
If you are consistently honoring your physical hunger and are not allowing yourself to become ravenous before eating, you can proceed with these steps at a pace that feels comfortable.
1. Pay attention to the foods that are appealing to you and make a list of them.
2. Put a check by the foods you actually do eat, and then circle remaining foods that you’ve been restricting.
3. Give yourself permission to eat one forbidden food from your list, and then go buy this food or order it at a restaurant.
4. Check in with yourself to see if the food tastes as good as you imagined. If you find that you really like it, continue to give yourself permission to buy or order it.
5. Make sure that you keep enough of the food in your kitchen so that you know it will be there if you want it. Or if it seems too scary, go to a restaurant and order the particular food as often as you like.
Once you’ve made peace with one food, continue on with your list until all the foods are tried, evaluated and freed. Remember; only when you’ve completely made peace with food can you truly enjoy all foods, without guilt, and in an amount that satisfies.
Adapted from Intuitive Eating, by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch
If this process is enticing but you’d like some assistance, consider working with me. I can help you systematically make peace with food and offer support along the way. Click here to schedule a visit!
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